RockysMom
05-19-07, 09:40 PM
1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby
in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress,
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
were several
cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf
female patient's anterior chest wall. "big breaths" I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be,"
replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her husband
had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard
her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
"massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me,
his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?"
I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every
six hours and now
I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and
discovered
what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches
on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been
bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why,
not for about twenty
years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this
morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get
used to the taste"
the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing,
entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute
appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed
on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green,
and above it there was
a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was
completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry,
had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!................
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing
female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously
formed a habit of
whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing
this exam suddenly
burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my
work and sheepishly
said, "I'm sorry was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but
the song you were
whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name.
baby
in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress,
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
were several
cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and slightly deaf
female patient's anterior chest wall. "big breaths" I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be,"
replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her husband
had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard
her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a
"massive internal fart."
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist, he informed me,
his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
"Which one?"
I asked. "The patch, the nurse told me to put on a new one every
six hours and now
I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and
discovered
what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches
on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long have you been
bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered..."Why,
not for about twenty
years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this
morning?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get
used to the taste"
the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman
produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled
into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
wearing strange clothing,
entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute
appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed
on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green,
and above it there was
a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was
completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry,
had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!!!................
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing
female pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously
formed a habit of
whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing
this exam suddenly
burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my
work and sheepishly
said, "I'm sorry was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but
the song you were
whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name.